Where it started

This will be a cronical of my experience with the support group "The Journey". A bunch of guys coming together to support each other and deal with purity issues and Habitual Sin, while navigating a fallen world.

I've taken many steps in this battle against my pornography fueled habitual sin and I guess that this is another step that I need to take on my personal "Journey". It all came to a head about 5 years ago. But let me start a little earlier than that.

I grew up in a fairly normal home; normal is so subjective a term. But it was my kind of normal. I had loving parents, who after having three kids before me were a little inattentive. But I always knew that they loved me. I remember the first day I found "IT", my first porno magazine. It was at my uncle’s house, my aunt didn't care what he had in "his" bathroom in the basement and he had quite a large collection of magazines. I was about 8 at the time. I've since found that this is a very young age to get into porn, or at least it use to be. My uncle’s basement bathroom became one of my favorite places. As I grew older and the normal changes started these magazines became more and more important to me. I got to a point where I couldn't wait to go to my uncles house. Radical steps needed to be taken to get my fix, and were the very next time I went there.

Just before leaving for the night, I insisted that I needed to go to the bathroom. No, I couldn't wait till we got home. And so I was allowed. I found that two magazines would fit nicely in the thigh area of my jeans and my jacket would cover most of the bump. I now had my own magazines at my disposal any time I needed. And oh did I need them. The burning inside was very strong.

I continued on this way for several years, pinching just enough magazines to keep me happy but not enough to get my uncle suspicious. When I was about 13-14 years old, I had found that these were no longer doing it for me. I needed something stronger. Now there were two dilemmas. What to do with the old magazines and how to get access to some new stronger ones?

Well the first question was answered by my friends. They had always been envious of my “Collection” and I decided that I could kill two birds with one stone. I began selling the old magazines, at a reduced price of course, to my friends. I had a great locker at school for this. It had a raised bottom that actually hinged up. It wasn’t supposed to but as it was very loose it took no time to “adjust it”. This became my stash place. I had way too many to keep them all at home. So stuffed into large brown envelopes was my stock. I’d sell a magazine for $5. A really good deal, especially for guys that wouldn’t be able to buy them otherwise. Now there came a little wrinkle. Many of these guys had mothers that would clean there rooms, and had very few if any places they could hide these magazines. So usually after a couple of days they would come back envelope in hand asking for their money back. Now being the business man I was, I had a no refund policy. It was yours once you bought it. But being the good friend I was (LOL) I was willing to buy it back from them, at a reduced price. That price was $2. This cause a few incidents but since they’re only other choice was to throw it away, they usually sold it back to me. I of course would then sell it to someone else for $5. It kept me in chocolate bars and coke for 2 years.

Now this only solved the first problem, what to do with the old magazines. But it didn’t solve the other, how to get stronger stuff. Even as big as I was at 13, there was no way an adult was going to sell me any magazines. The solution was a lot closer than I had ever imagined. It was in my own basement.

You see my father had his own stash. Now I knew about the one under his bed and so did my mother. But those ones were like the ones my uncle had. To tame for my tastes. No the stronger stuff was hidden in our basement, which I found had many great hiding places. It was into one of these spots that I found the really exotic stuff, no longer was it just artfully posed women, but now couples, involved couples, and action shots. My fire burned very high and very hot.